A Friendly Murder

 

No worries, dear Reader; I refer in my title to a “murder” of crows.

It all began when I read about an experiment conducted with crows in order to determine whether they would recognize individual humans. Not only can they distinguish one human from another, they also, it turns out, are capable of holding a grudge for a prolonged period of time. You can see the results of that experiment in this short video here.

Following that, I found another video which demonstrated how crows either believe in a barter system or are simply and sincerely grateful when humans offer gifts. In return for food, they will eventually offer gifts. You can see that video here.

Jenny the Cat perches on my kitchen table every morning (after her early morning patrol of the perimeter of the property), watching the “big squawky birds” and making that adorable chittering sound cats make when they watch birds. The crows come by every morning about 7:00a.m. to eat the snails and slugs from my neighbor’s yard, and we watch them hop around, squabble over territory, and steal from each other, shouting epithets in crow-speak. I decided, after seeing the two above mentioned videos, to enhance the entertainment value for Jenny and possibly make a crow friend or two myself by feeding them peanuts. (I purchased peanuts in the shell from Chewy.com that are intended for animal consumption. Never feed your local wildlife human food, please.)

That’s when the fun began.

It only took one day and the tossing out of a couple peanuts for a couple of crows to become curious, swooping down and strutting around the peanuts, tilting their heads and eyeing them suspiciously. Then one guy grabbed a goober, flew up to the neighbor’s rooftop, and began pecking away.

The next morning, both crows were there at 7:00 sharp, waiting. I threw down a couple peanuts and retreated to the house. They flew down, each taking one, and flew off to eat them.

That was three months ago.

Now every morning there are no less than ten crows waiting—not so patiently—at 7:00.

"Caw! Caw! Caw!"

It’s like Trick or Treat; I count the number of crows and dole out that same number of peanuts, lobbing them out into the street, then returning to the house to watch the birds at the buffet.

So far, not a single one of those ungrateful bastards has left me a gift. However, Jenny’s enjoyment at their antics nearly matches mine. Here’s what I’ve seen:

Like humans, there is always a bold leader, first to fly down from his perch on the street light and grab a peanut. Conversely, there is the last guy, a small crow who looks on nervously, not sure if it’s safe to descend, often waiting until it’s too late to get a peanut. Because there is the one guy who is never content with just one. He picks up one in his beak, then hops quickly to another peanut, trying to cram that one in as well, often dropping the first peanut in the process. Most days, he is not satisfied until he has somehow shoved two in this beak, at which point he flies to the peak of the neighbor’s roof and drops them, frequently losing the extra one as it rolls down onto the ground. Greed is not an attractive look for anyone, and “Hey, Pal,” I tell him, “you can’t take it with you, can you?”

At any rate, I am still waiting for the day when I will come out in the morning, my fist full of peanuts, to find one of them has left me some shiny trinket. (I guess that’s my own form of greediness, isn’t it?) When that happens, you’ll be the first to know. After Jenny, of course.

Regarding Dolly: An Update

 

Just a quick post here to honor a dog and her human.

Three years ago, in August of 2021, I took my neighbor Linda on a day-long jaunt to find a dog. Her beloved pug mix, Abbey, had passed away some months before, and she and her husband were feeling the absence of a dog’s magic in the house. You know, that quality they have of somehow brightening everyone’s spirits. So Linda asked me to help her find the right dog.

We went looking for “a younger dog” and came home with a fourteen-year-old. Yep. You can read that story by clicking here.

Linda and her husband Bob took that old dog that had been uncared for (and unbathed) for so long, and they scrubbed her up, brushed her out, gave her warm, soft bedding, and started feeding her cooked chicken breasts every night. I kid you not. (Thus the roly-poly Dolly you see in the photo above.) I remember Linda telling me at the time that they were committed to giving her a great life for whatever time she had left, whether that be days or weeks or months or—if they were lucky—years.

And years it was. Nearly three exactly. Dolly passed away this week at the age of seventeen. Seventeen, y’all! And that dog…. Boy howdy, was she a happy girl in her last days! Oh, not at first. She was quiet and reserved and withdrawn (and very wary of Bob). But her humans were patient. And they had chicken. And daily love and encouragement. And that dog finally began to respond, so much so that she found her happy feet. I will never forget stopping by one day and Linda telling me: “Every evening after dinner she goes into the den and dances around.” Dolly might have been too old to do zoomies, but she was never too old to dance.

A good lesson for all of us who are easing into the silver muzzle stage of life, I reckon.

On Not Being Okay

 

Last week I posted on Facebook that I was not okay. I am grateful for all the friends and family members who checked in on me—called, sent a text, sent a private message, sent chocolate…. Okay, no one sent chocolate, but getting those check-in messages was just as good. Better, actually.

Here’s what was going on:

I felt overwhelmed.

When I feel overwhelmed, it’s because things feel like they are spiraling out of my control.

When I begin to lose control over the order of my life—the daily routine, the peace and quiet of the household, the general welfare of my dog and cat—my anxiety begins to skyrocket.

When my anxiety skyrockets, I become paralyzed. I find myself functioning robotically to take care of the necessary things—pet care, etc—then becoming immobilized and simply sitting for hours at a time, heart pounding, breath shallow.

This anxiety is rooted in childhood trauma.

I was an extremely sensitive child. (I still am that child.) And I was shamed by my parents for being so. I’m not trying to vilify them here; they thought that telling me to “stop crying" and "stop being so sensitive” and making fun of me for doing so would help toughen me up to deal with the real world outside. What it actually did was further isolate me, make me feel that my being “different” from others was wrong or bad, something I should be ashamed of choosing for myself. And all of that led me to become quiet and shut down… for which I was further shamed.

I learned to speak only when I absolutely had to. I learned to hang in the background, not assert myself. I learned to be invisible.

The more I controlled these things, the safer I felt. The calmer I felt. In those days, the calmest I ever felt was on Saturday mornings, leaving the house when everyone was sleeping, riding my bike around the quiet neighborhood in the hush of early morning. I was a little girl out alone, and I felt safest there. (You’re already nodding your head if you know me well—this is me now on a hike; I feel safest there.)

Until I started seeing a therapist last year, I was wholly unaware of what caused my anxiety. I mean, when I was feeling anxious, I could generally track it back to what triggered it, but I had no idea why it kept resurfacing. I kept confusing anxiety with fear. It’s the same autonomic response, right? Rapid heart rate. Shallow breathing. But I am not a fearful person.

One day my therapist said, “So, as long as you can control things in your life—your environment, your routine, your interaction with people—you feel safe. Because when you were a child and a teenager, you were being bombarded with stimuli that traumatized you, and you had no control over it. You couldn’t advocate for yourself, and you had no adult advocate. So you lived with trauma. Now, you keep that trauma at bay by creating an environment in which you are in control.”

Boy howdy.

Yes, I understand—as I discussed with my therapist—that we cannot control everything that happens in our lives. Some weeks are like last week—things breaking, service people in the house to fix things, financial worries, pet worries, pressure from others to “just make a decision,” the hopeless desire to never let anyone down….

Last week was a perfect storm of unpleasant events happening. So I felt out of control of my life. So the anxiety swooshed back in hard like a tsunami.

So what did I do? I rode it out. I saw it coming on the horizon and I ran for higher ground. I didn’t quite outrun it, but some folks were close by with life preservers and ropes and that-feeling-you-get-when-you-eat-chocolate, and I survived it.

For a while, I felt like I couldn’t breathe. But the truth is, I just had to be reminded: “Breathe, Kay.” I did. I’m back. I’m okay now. If you’re not, you can always call me. I have time for you. I can find a life preserver. Maybe even some chocolate.