In
the summer of 2008, I did an internet search of my infamous great-grandmother.
I’d written The Tainted Legacy of Bertha Gifford a few years before, but
hadn’t found a publisher willing to take a chance on the memoir, so every
summer after school let out, I would spend time scrolling through online junk
about her, just to see if anyone else had written anything extensive about Bertha.
I had all but given up on getting the book published. That summer, I happened
upon an online blurb announcing that some guy named Marc Houseman would be
giving a presentation on her. Who does this guy think he is? was my
first thought. My second thought was, I wonder what crap he’s feeding people
about her.
Another
quick online search led me to the website for the Washington Historical Society
in Washington, Missouri. Seems this Houseman guy was a so-called historian
there. I found an email address on the site and shot off a short missive,
stating tersely that if he was going to be doing presentations on my
great-grandmother, he’d better be basing them on facts, not fiction. He replied
within the hour—calmly, professionally, kindly—and we began to exchange
information via email about Bertha, about my family, and about Marc’s interest
in those subjects.
Thus
began a close and dear friendship that I will cherish forever, which is why I’ve
spent the past week mostly crying. Because Marc Houseman has left us, passing
on to begin his next journey. And I’m here to tell you, it’s damned unfair.
Ten
years my junior, Marc was an extraordinary man, brilliant, personable, humble and
self-effacing, with a strong sense of honor for the dead and an equally strong
love of donuts. He, along with my cousin Danny, encouraged me to pull out my
memoir about Bertha and do whatever I needed to in order to get the book
published, which I did.
A year after I met Marc online, I met him in person. After Tainted Legacy was published in October of 2008, we planned a book tour for the following summer, and he helped me connect with several libraries so that I could do speaking and signing events. During the year, we had gotten to know each other pretty well through our email exchanges, and I had begun signing my emails to him “Hugs, K.” He responded in kind. When I arrived in Missouri for the book tour, Marc came to pick me up at my hotel in Pacific. I was a bit nervous waiting for him in the lobby since I had never actually met him in person, but when he walked in carrying a sign that said “REAL HUGS,” my laughter quickly dissipated any anxiety.
That
summer, we established a pattern that would be blissfully repeated nearly every
summer for a decade. Marc was my tour guide, driving me along the back roads of
rural Missouri to cemeteries where my kinfolk were buried so I could pay my
respects and take photos of their very old headstones. One summer, prior to my
trip back there, I told him in an email I was interested in researching my maternal
grandfather’s ancestry. When I arrived in Missouri that year, he met me in the
lobby of the hotel carrying a file folder. He handed it to me. “That’s your
grandfather’s line,” he said, “going all the way back to the Revolutionary War.” Then we climbed into his truck, and he took me to as many cemeteries as
he had been able to discover in which those ancestors were buried.
Marc
loved the Three Stooges, such was the corny, quirkiness of his sense of humor.
He also loved studying the Presidents of the United States—prior to Eisenhower.
He loved old things and old people. He was kind with the elderly and gentle
with the young. He loved old hymns. Once, after we’d strolled a cemetery for a
half hour or so in relentless humidity, he approached the door of the church on
the property. “Look,” he said, pulling the door, “it’s open.” There was nothing
inside but the old church organ. He sat down and to my great surprise, began to
play “The Old Rugged Cross.” Somehow a few words to that song still exist in my
memory, so I sang what I could recall, and Marc joined in. Thereafter on our
road trips to far-away cemeteries, we would often sing hymns or "old timey" songs.
To
list all of Marc’s accomplishments would take many pages. He was the director
of the museum in Washington and president of the historical society. He
regularly led a crew of volunteers to do cemetery restoration (righting and/or
repairing fallen or broken headstones, or simply cleaning them—turns out there’s
a right way and a very wrong way to do those things). He was deeply involved with
the Odd Fellows chapter in his town where he was loved and respected for all
the work he did to honor the dead and to enable others like myself to discover
the fascinating stories behind their ancestry.
Marc was the main (and mighty) force behind the monumental task of fundraising for and building a columbarium in the Odd Fellows cemetery. On one of my trips back there, Marc had taken me into the basement of a crematorium. A shelf against one wall held a couple dozen small cardboard boxes. “Those,” he told me, “are cremains that were never claimed.” It happens. Someone’s family member dies and is cremated, but no one ever picks up the ashes. And so they simply sit. The dates on those boxes were decades old. Marc’s hard work resulted in an aesthetically beautiful columbarium where abandoned ashes would have a home. But his work didn’t stop there. Once the columbarium was completed and they began to receive unclaimed cremains, Marc and his volunteers would search online to find the families of the deceased. In several instances, the cremains were those of military veterans. In one such case, Marc not only returned the cremains to a grateful niece, he arranged to have them buried at Jefferson Barracks, a veterans cemetery near St. Louis, with a proper memorial service and military honors for the deceased. (To read an equally sweet story that also explains the intent of the Odd Fellows fraternity, click here.)
See
what I mean? What a classy guy. I say again through tears, it’s just not fair.
To me, Marc will always be that goofy guy who loved the story of my great-grandmother, the cool friend who would take time out of his busy schedule to escort me around to places I would never have found on my own, cemeteries that can’t be found on most maps. He was an incredible source of knowledge, he was a sweet soul, and he was one of the dearest friends I’ve ever had. To say he will be missed is a profound understatement. I simply do not know how to order my life without him in it.
