Progress

My dog made me cry today.

I took Maya to a very large dog park. I used to do this with Thomas from time to time in the first years after I adopted him, take him to a dog park very early in the morning when no one else was there, then let him off the leash just to see if he would come back to me. Nope. He'd trot away to the farthest corner, then huddle against the fence. I knew if he ever got away from me, he'd just take off. Not until I'd had him nearly three years, and I'd retired and had much more time to spend out in the hills with him did I finally trust him to be off leash. Sort of. One day on a hike, descending a steep hill as we made our way back to the truck, I simply unhooked his leash, and he stayed right behind me, picking his own way down. I was very, very proud of him that day, as he stopped and waited when I asked him to so that I could hook him back up. But he has always felt safest when he's connected to me, so that's the way we keep it most of the time.

I knew Maya would be a flight risk when I brought her home, and boy howdy, did I make sure to watch her every second, to check the gate every time the gardeners left, to tighten my grip on the leash when we left the house, to always be aware of where she was when a door opened anywhere in the house.

Not so anymore. A few months ago, I was walking her with Thomas, and as we neared the house, she shook the leash out of my hand. I tried not to panic as I watched her trot ahead up the street--and go straight up onto our porch. Whew. 'Okay,' I thought. 'She knows where home is now.' I tested this a few times, dropping the leash a few doors away, and she will always run right home.

But out in open spaces, yeah, that's a different story. Many's the time we've stood on a rise overlooking a long stretch of rolling hills, and she has leaned into that. I know if I unhooked her, she'd be in the wind, running for miles until she either denned up in the wild or a coyote had her for lunch. Scary, scary thoughts.

So today was somewhat of a test for her. Did I mention this is a very big dog park?

That black and white dot, center of the pic, is Miss Maya Angelou Murphy, off leash. As soon as we were in, I unhooked the leash, and off she trotted. Away, away, away, almost to the back fence. I didn't follow. I just waited. Finally, she stopped. Turned back. I walked to the middle of the park and stopped. She doesn't really know the come command. But she knows "Wait." So I gave her the hand signal and told her, "Maya, wait." And she did. She sat her sassy derriere down and waited for me to approach her. I petted her--something that she never used to let me do if it were outside the confines of her crate, but she has decided, in recent weeks, it's actually quite nice. So she got some pets and head rubbies, and then I said, "Let's go," and we walked around the expansive park some more, Maya sniffing and peeing and being a dog. Pretty fabulous. Of course, I had to stop for a while and wipe the tears off my face and blow my nose. This is huge progress for her. She's learning to trust, and I know, with everything she experienced in the past, humans have shown themselves absolutely untrustworthy. (I hear ya, girl.) But she's trying.

All this was after I had walked her through the kid part of the park, around the playground equipment, and then asked her to walk up this bridge with me:

It would require her to take a big step up, and I knew that the thing would probably move, but every time we hike, I ask her to do something difficult--climb up on a boulder or cross a small stream or duck under a fallen tree. She amazes me every time with her courage. So without hesitating, I asked her to follow me up and over, and damn if she didn't do just that. On the way back, we did it again, but this time we stopped in the middle for a photo op.

It's important to note here: For most of every day, Maya still stays in her crate, by her own choice. (The day is coming when I will close it off during the day and only allow her to den up at night, but not yet. She's not ready yet.) She doesn't interact with me or Thomas or Jenny the Cat. She listens to the household routine, emerging for potty breaks when asked to do so. She is still very shut down.

In fact, just this past month, she finally began taking treats from my hand. For eighteen months, she has gotten a treat for going outside--at least four times a day. But, just as Thomas did in the beginning, she would turn her head away as I offered her a treat, even if she had returned to her crate. In the first weeks after I brought her home, she wouldn't eat the treat--even if it was sitting under her nose--until I left the room. She still won't eat food from her dish or drink while I'm in the room. But miraculously, a few weeks ago, after I'd been sitting with her for a while, petting her, she finally took her favorite treat from my hand. Of course, I cried that day, too.

But these carefree mornings when I hook her up to a fifteen-foot leash and let her wander in safe, isolated places--these are healing for her. She gets to be a dog, but she is reminded that we're in this together. Someday, I hope, she will see our connection as a good thing.

Good girl, Maya. You are a very good girl.

Tiki Man: Interview with an Author

 

When I read (which is constantly), I wear two hats, that of reader and that of writer. As the former, I want to be immersed in the story. As the latter, I’m interested in how other writers work their craftsmanship. Recently, I read a novel that impressed me as much for the way the plot was presented as it did for the character development. Both were stellar. I loved the writing so much, in fact, that I reached out to the author, Thomas M. Atkinson, on Twitter and—what do you know?—he was gracious enough to respond and even more gracious to agree to an interview. Below are my questions and his answers regarding how he constructed Tiki Man, his second novel.

Why did you make the decision to offer very little exposition at the front of the novel, parsing it out in small pieces as the story unfolds?

Well, as with the narrative voice, and the tense, I am trying (I think successfully since it hasn’t been an issue), to craft a more honest story, right? Because while Tiki Man is a story, it is actually Pere telling the reader a story, which is a huge distinction. The opening chapter is, without giving too much away, Pere telling the reader how he dealt with a problem that came up, and how he came to be taking care of Tammy. Now the reader’s takeaway is probably much different than Pere’s takeaway, but even Pere recognizes that how he handled it wasn’t the best way. But what Pere knows, that the reader has to suss out, is how much of his response was self-serving, that while he might have been perfectly justified in his response, that response was also an excuse for getting back to a very dark place, (but a very dark place where he was at home). In other news, I think that makes it both a more interesting read and a harder sell (because it isn’t what agents and editors are used to seeing).

Is Pere’s character based on someone you know?

He’s a composite of a lot of guys I’ve known (with a generous helping of Me). A lot of people have a hard enough time just getting themselves through life, and while they might be totally at sea when put in charge of a small person, it’s not for lack of trying.

Tell us about your process. Do you write every day?  How is your first draft composed? Longhand? Computer? Typewriter? Do you have a daily word count or a specific time frame?

First of all, no one should take anything I say about process as a recommendation or endorsement of my process. I don’t write every day, because I would write a lot of crap and then I'd get used to writing crap and then…. I write on the computer even though I suck at the actual typing part of it (I took “Touch Typing” in night school my senior year of undergrad. I took it pass/fail and only had to type 24 words a minute to get a D. The best I ever did was 23, but since the teacher was worried she might have to see me again, she passed me.) I don’t do drafts. As a matter of fact, my process might best be described as semi-benign mental illness. I think about what I want to write about. I obsess about it. I dream about it. And just when it is starting to become dangerous, I try to get it all down on paper. And what I get down is pretty much fully formed and while it needs some corrections, of course, it doesn’t need revision.

Who or what are you reading most often, and why?

News and nonfiction. Every couple of years I will go back and read all 20 books of the Master & Commander series by Patrick O’Brian. And I like to revisit William Gibson (Count Zero has one of the best opening pages ever) and Samuel Delaney (Nova). I try to avoid literary fiction because I’ve spent a long damn time honing my voice and I am primitively superstitious of any bleed-through from another author.

For Tiki Man, did you have an agent? Or did you work directly with your publisher? And how did you happen to choose Regal House? (I know I’m turning that trope around; we’re led to believe that authors, like ladies at the dance, must wait to be chosen.)

An agent?!? You’re funny. An agent once told me that publishers and readers aren’t interested in poor people with problems, so I threw my hands up, “Counts me out!” Regal House is one of the few publishers that doesn’t require an agent. They read the first 20 pages, asked for the entire manuscript and things happened very quickly after that. As I’d long suspected, what it actually took was for someone to read it. 

How important are reviews on Amazon and Goodreads? Do they matter at all?

I think they are very important. It’s hard to say if they affect sales, but I think they are enormously helpful in terms of what your readers are taking away from your book (and if it’s what you intended), which I think writers should care about.

How available are you for speaking engagements, talks at libraries, and the like?

I will pester anyone at anytime. I’ve done a number of book clubs, both in-person and remote, for Tiki Man and they’ve been fun for everyone. At the first one, somebody brought candy cigarettes so everyone in the club could play “Bitches,” a game the neighbor girls play in Chapter 1. It was awesome. Next week I’m doing a presentation on “Dancing Turtle,” my short story and its journey from prize-winning story to prize-winning play (I’m also a playwright.) This might sound dumb, but I am really excited about it because after I read the story, the intern company of Ensemble Theatre of Cincinnati is going to do a staged reading of the play, so the audience can see the changes, the problems, the solutions – it’s something I’d like to see!

Of Saints and Cyclones

 

There’s a hurricane coming. It’s currently off the coast of Mexico, and it’s moving slowly north toward Southern California. As I view the wind speed model on the National Hurricane Center website, I can see that right now it’s more tropical storm than hurricane (“just” a Category 2), but still. It’s a hurricane, and it’s named after me. Yep. Hurricane Kay. Headed this way.

A brief history: The practice of naming hurricanes (which began aboard fishing boats, not in government offices, as you may have heard) came about in order to avoid confusion about which hurricane did what damage and where. Over time, and as the world grew smaller with more rapid news distribution, it seemed prudent to begin “officially” designating names, especially since it is possible to have several tropical cyclones brewing in different areas at once. So the World Meteorological Organization began preparing lists of names in advance for upcoming storm seasons. Women’s names, to be precise. Exclusively women. Because only women could be that stormy, right? Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.

My coming-of-agency decade was the 1970’s, and baby, we have come a long way. After years of protests, lobbying, letter writing, and other forms of civil pressure, the WMO prepared a list of names to be used in 1979 which alternated male names with female. Ah, I remember the (mostly male) TV newscasters going on and on about how amusing (in their view) this change would be. (As I recall, the term “tempest in a teapot” was used, so, I guess, kudos to that guy for at least being literate.)

No one ever mentions that change now, though. Huh.

And so we come to the list of tropical cyclone names for 2022. On the list of names for the Eastern North Pacific area, right there between Javier and Lester (both great names of respected men, so I feel I’m in good company), is Kay.

Waaaaaaiiiit a second. My daughter will be the first to tell you that Kay is not a female gender name, originally. No, no, no; it’s a British surname. (Shout out to my friend, Duffy Kay!) I know I’ve mentioned this on the blog before, but indulge me while I mention again that my oldest grandson, Ben, was given my name, Kay, as his middle name—which was when my education on the origin of the name began, because my amused daughter said, “Mom, one of the Knights of the Round Table was Sir Kay. Google it.” So I did.

“But wait,” I hear you saying, dear Reader, “has Kay ever been used as a given name for males?” Yes. Yes, it has. Google it. Or check out The Bump online, which lists it as a “gender-neutral Greek name” meaning “pure.”

And this is what I love about my name. Because my mother was neither aware of nor interested in the origin or meaning of the name Kay when she chose it for my middle name. “We needed a saint’s name to go with your first name. I just picked it,” she told me.

Oh. Did I fail to mention that, in addition to Sir Kay, history and the Catholic church have also given us Saint Kay? I was a child when my mother told me how she picked my name, so all my life I assumed that Saint Kay was a woman. Until my paradigm was upended last year when I did a bit of research in preparation for my Saints Day celebration. (The Saints Day for Saint Kay is September 26. Come party with me!) So nope, Saint Kay was not a woman. Definitely a man. And guess what he is the patron saint of—guess, just guess—okay, I’ll tell you, because you’re never going to guess it: Saint Kay is the patron saint of sidekicks. Yeah. And according to The Hidden Almanac, “Kay is never represented on his own, but can be seen lurking in the background of numerous other saint icons.”

Sigh. Absolute story of my life. Never the bride. Always the wedding singer.

As a gender-non-conforming individual, I love all of this—the fact that my mom thought she was naming me after a woman but actually named me after a man, the fact that the man, Saint Kay, was never the front man on the spiritual stage but played back-up for some of the celeb saints, and most of all, that, when a small town with small-minded people tried to publicly shame me, I changed my name, dropping my feminine first name and choosing to be known henceforth as my hard consonant, three-letter middle name.

And look at me now. Hurricane Kay. Boy howdy.