Today’s blog post is brought to you by my dear friends Lynn Miller and Catherine Higgins.
No, they’re not paying for advertising. They just had the proper incantation to get me writing again.
I haven’t been writing. (Did you notice?) Haven’t done a blog post in weeks. Haven’t worked on the YA novel that is really, for all intents and purposes, finished, just needs some typos corrected and it can go to print. Haven’t started that memoir I intended to write this summer, the one about my six years on the mountain. Haven’t even done much journaling, despite having a good deal to write about after my recent trip to Missouri.
Not that it matters, really, and I take a great risk in being entirely honest here, but…. I’ve just been sad. That’s it. Just sad. Just… unable to cast off a shadow that’s been following me around since February. Some things happened back then… then some more things. Then the Boston Marathon bombings. Then some things in May and June related to my day job and my other job (this one) and people who are unkind, ungracious, uncouth, unscrupulous. Next thing you know, I’m going to bed and waking up angry every day. Not a good thing for a depressive personality.
A few things have happened to bring some sunshine into my life. I spent a week in Missouri with my dearest friends in the world. I celebrated my birthday and my daughter’s (same day) with the people I love most in the world, and My Daughter the Poet wrote me a fabulous love-drenched poem for my birthday. To top that all off, I saw some friends yesterday I hadn’t seen in quite a while—and they asked, “What are you writing?” in such a way that made me believe they really did want to read something I’d written.
That’s all I need, you see—just an audience. It’s when I begin to ask myself, What’s the point? and I begin to doubt that anyone really ever reads my work that I start to think… it might be easier just to sit in front of the TV or Facebook for hours, using those ever-present opiates to numb the sadness for a while. But Lynn and Catherine asked. And I had to be honest and say my sadness was the culprit… which made me realize how defeated I’d become… which made me angry—in the right way.
So there, take that, Sadness! I have buckled on my Super Sadness Deflector Shield. I have drawn forth my Sword of Dynamic Power (also known as The Pen). I have danced my eager fingertips across the Almighty Symbols used to combat sadness and create peace and harmony. I have produced a document. I HAVE HEREBY BEEN A VICTOR, NOT A VICTIM.
OK, sorry for the shouting. Got a bit carried away there. Thanks for reading my words. I’m going to saunter off and do a small victory dance… then get to work on that YA novel.