Sunday, March 22, 2009

It is a cold and windy day on the mountain. On most mornings, I can see down into the valley from this seat. Today I see gray cloud. Directly above me, the skylights are being covered by freezing rain. It's Sunday, so I don't have to go anywhere. A fire crackles and sparks behind me. A small black cat, her feet tucked beneath her, sits on the short space between the front of the monitor and the edge of the desk. It's not as warm here with me as it is by the fire, but she finds the wind and rain disturbing, perhaps reminiscent of her days spent huddling somewhere, homeless. I stroke her fur periodically as I write. When I'm at home, she is my constant companion. My dog-cat. Having her makes it not-as-hard to live without dogs in my life.

Because it is Sunday and the weather is what it is (not bad--we need every single drop of water), I suspect I will go the entire day without talking to anyone but this little Sugar Plum of a cat. Friends tell me I have become reclusive in recent years. I understand their perception.... But the truth is, I am more 'out' these days than in. Yes, I do live waaaay up on a mountain. But coming here has brought me more friends and neighbors than I ever had when I was a flatlander. It is true that, despite opportunities to socialize, I often keep to myself. This has to do with time constraints, mostly. But yes, I will admit to having the compulsion to withdraw sometimes. I don't get on well with people who are mean... or controlling... or derisive. I don't like to be in large groups of people who begin to whine or complain or attack others. There is too much of that in the world. Too much competition to be the most beautiful, the most glamorous, the most popular, the guy with the most toys or money or both. We have lost sight of the simple pleasures of life... the blessings we've been given that we so often take for granted... the sound of water falling over rocks... the music of the first mockingbird of spring, singing at dawn... the scent of wildflowers and warm pine... the warm rich flavor of an oatmeal cookie fresh out of the oven... the smile of a friend.

I want to remember to be thankful for those things, and others. I want to be in the present, hearing, tasting, seeing, smelling--touching what is here now, and appreciating the blessing of this life which spans the blink of an eye.

Because, other than Sugie and Boo, I am without a partner in life, I find myself talking to myself... about life, about blessings, about what makes me angry and sad and joyful. I have begun this blog with a mind to writing some of those thoughts down. I know from time to time others will read what I write. I hope that knowledge never keeps me from writing the truth as I see it. And I hope that when my words touch or comfort or resonate with someone, he or she will take the time to let me know.

8 comments:

  1. Your words did touch, comfort and resonate with me. Thank you for this wonderful blog.

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  2. Thank you, Libby! Your words are magic!

    K

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  3. Hey Kay,
    As a fellow CWC writer and a blogger myself, I subscribe fully to the concept of penning ones thoughts in the attempt to air them and connect with others. And choosing to be alone does not make you a recluse, it makes you a highly insightful person who is comfortable enough with herself to sit back and fully appreciate the world around her.

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  5. Wow, Ms. Murphy. That was beautiful. You have an amazing way with words. I will definitely keep reading.

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  6. Thank you so much, my friends, for your kind words and encouragement. I appreciate it more than I can say! (Now, Sheba, get back to your homework! You won't get to Berkeley without those grades!)

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  7. Ms. Murphy! I just checked the admissions website after reading your blog... I got into Berkeley! :)

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  8. Sheba!! Oh my gosh!! This is great cause for celebration!! Congratulations! You've worked so hard! I'm beyond proud of you!

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