I’ve
been working on a post about something that happened when I was hiking in Oak
Glen last weekend. But then the shooting happened at Robb Elementary School in
Uvalde, Texas, and I haven’t wanted to finish that. Because I’ve been thinking
about this:
Bear with me. It’s a story.
When my kids were little, I loved that I could stay home. I did my writing when they were at school or sleeping, and I was there when they came home, hot or tired or rain-soaked or weepy or jubilant.
After my divorce, I had to go back to school full time in order to get my degree and start teaching. I tried to plan all my classes so that I could get the kids to school, get to campus for classes, then get back home before they did. But the university was far from home, and putting that much distance between myself and my children cranked my anxiety level way up. I will confess that there were some days I sat in my car in the parking lot after I arrived on campus, reluctant to give my attention fully to the day’s classes when my children were nearly an hour’s drive away. Keep in mind, this was in the days before cell phones. If something had happened to one of my kids while I was in class, someone would have a difficult if not impossible time reaching me. I had no family members, no support network living nearby. There were times when I had to fight the urge to turn around and go home just to be there. Just in case.
In those times, I calmed myself with self-talk that went something like this: The kids are okay. They’re all in school. They are protected, and they will be safe there until you pick them up.
Think of that in light of the danger kids face all over the nation in schools today.
My children are grown now, and for the most part, their children are, too; I have only one grandchild in elementary school. He lives in Arizona, another state that, like Texas, has very few restrictions regarding the sale and ownership of firearms. He’ll be ten in October, the same age as most of the children in the Robb Elementary School massacre. I have another decade or so to worry about his safety.
My daughter and her husband both teach high school here in Southern California. While our state has much more restrictive gun laws than Arizona (another reason to love Cali), that didn’t stop a student in 2019 from pulling a semi-automatic handgun out of his backpack and shooting five people at Saugus High School in Santa Clarita, a quiet community much like the area where my daughter and her husband teach. Of course there have been other school shootings in California as well.
While I watched news coverage in the aftermath of the Robb Elementary School shooting, I just kept thinking of all the moms. All the mothers in Uvalde who sent their children to school that morning and told themselves the lie all mothers have to tell themselves now, regardless of where they live in this country: My children will be safe at school. Bad things don’t happen here. Not in our town. Not to our kids.
Thank you Kay. Odd to say, but somehow comforting to know that the lie is such a universal truth. I guess it is just that we could not carry on if we admitted our kids are not always safe.
ReplyDeleteTherese, I think you are exactly correct; if we thought about it too hard, we'd never send them out there. Wouldn't it be great to think, with all the other calamities in the world, that at least we didn't have to worry about automatic weapon fire coming anywhere near our loved ones?
DeleteI am ashamed of our government for not doing so much more to protect us from gun violence and question their motives.
DeleteMy disappointment in those I have voted into office runs long and deep. We need to continue to educate people on what the second amendment actually says, and we need to continue to pressure our politicians to vote in favor of gun control reform--against the NRA--or risk losing our votes.
DeleteKay, everything you wrote is so true. I have 2 little great grandchildren in pre-school, and although it seems safe, you just never know. I also think about the teachers who show up every day to educate and protect the kids as best they can. I feel for the teachers who now have to worry if they too will lose their life while teaching and protecting. This has to stop. I think the most power we have is through our votes.
ReplyDeleteI couldn't agree more. We have to stop supporting any politicians who don't support gun control. When I first began teaching, I never had to speak to my students regarding what we would do if.... After Columbine, I began routinely speaking to my high school students each year about possible scenarios--just in case. Now my daughter does the same. I don't want her or her husband or any of my friends still teaching to have to have those conversations in their classrooms. Ever.
DeleteI don't even know how a mother can stay sane with that kind of worry. I don't think I could do it. I have to suppress every instinct I have now, just not to want to flee the country, because unfortunately, if you aren't rich, it's almost impossible to do. My heart goes out to mother's of school age children. It must be excruciating to be a mother right now.
ReplyDeleteRight? I can't imagine if my kids were little now and I had to send them off to a neighborhood school. I would be very tempted to homeschool. But then, how does one provide for them financially? With the huge wealth gap, only the affluent can afford to have one parent remain at home.
DeleteI had to work out of town for 7 months. Then moved my family about an hour from Uvalde. Murph I really appreciate you lying to you because you taught me so much. You definitely helped change many of my social paradigms. Thank. I'll say a prayer for your babies. Mine are both just starting school one has 11 years the other 12. I know though they'll have great teachers like you were. I think if Dr. King was alive today he probably say something about dont live in fear or you'll never be able to love enough to stop these things. Just more erudite. Jimmy Fisher
ReplyDeleteJimmy, I pray that your babies will always be safe and protected and happy. Having grown up without a father, I can only imagine what it must be like having a cool dad like yourself to tell them jokes, read them stories, and encourage their young hearts and minds to remain open and questioning and loving. Thank you for your sweet words, your sweet spirit always.
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